How Much is Enough?

Mary Poppins said, "Enough is as good as a feast."  I struggle with that, even though I think it's true.  Food and money are my weak points -- I always want more of both.

We just finished a couple chapters in our Bible study on contentment and giving, more specifically grace giving, and the chapters covered things like using resources wisely, what belongs to God and what belongs to you, tithing, being happy with what you have, etc.  I don't know about you but these are areas I've always needed help on, especially since having children tends to be a rather expensive endeavor.  They're not cheap, and I want them to have everything they need and a few things they want.  But there's a balance that must be struck, and there's a message you want to send.  They pay attention to how you spend your money, whether you think they do or not.

I recently watched an episode of Hoarders.  It followed the story of two people who just couldn't help themselves with acquiring STUFF.  One lady used copious quantities of coupons to get hundreds of dollars worth of stuff for something like $1.98.  Which I heartily applaud; any time you can lower your grocery bill like that, I genuflect in your approximate direction.  I have nothing whatsoever against using coupons, either -- I use them when I have them and I dearly love that whole buy-one-get-one free concept.  But this lady clipped EVERY coupon she saw, and bought hundreds of dollars worth of deodorant.  Scads of cans of artichokes, gaggles of green beans, prides of soda, armies of bug spray, flocks of toilet paper.  Then she brought it all home and just stacked it in piles (because the shelving, or cabinets, or wherever you put stuff had long since been buried in stuff).  How many artichokes CAN one eat, anyway?  Another lady shopped consignment sales and thrift shops, and I think her issue was just that she loved getting a "deal."  She walked around her house and could tell you what she paid for just about everything, and it was $1 - $2 type stuff.  She loved buying purses; I couldn't tell you how many she had.  Maybe a hundred?  She would go to thrift shops and pick up anything.  It didn't seem to matter what it was or whether she needed it, it was just whether or not it was a "good deal."

I think most of the people on this show have mental issues.  Seriously; it seemed like they all had a traumatic event at some point in their lives that they could pinpoint when their problem started.  And I'm not knocking that because I get it, they need help.  But I also totally get the draw of finding a "deal."  When you get something for less than retail price, you kind of feel like you've won.  But shopping shouldn't feed your emotions or fill a hole, and that's where I take issue.  I enjoy a trip to Target as much as anybody (especially without kids; do not judge me), but I have to guard against just buying stuff because it's a good deal, because I think that's where you get into trouble, financially speaking.

Our Bible study talked about contentment, specifically godly contentment, and this is something I strive for and don't always quite make.  It's being happy with what you have, independent of circumstances and conditions.  It's so easy to look at what somebody else has, or is, and find yourself lacking.  Their hair is cuter, they dress nicer, they have a bigger house, their kids have more to play with.  It's also easy to find yourself making up for a childhood where you had nothing.  I spoke to a lady at church about this one time and she mentioned that having grown up during the Depression, she had less than nothing.  When she grew up and got married and had an extra income, she found herself buying things she didn't even need, just because she could.  It filled a hole inside, just having the ability to pay for something.  That minute at the checkout was golden; it made her forget how poor her family had once been, how deprived they were, sometimes of even the most basic necessities.  It was like winning.  But when she got home, she said, the guilt would set in.  She hid how much she spent from her husband.  She was embarrassed at how much she spent, but she couldn't help doing it.  It also didn't help that when she and her husband retired, she had less income but more time to shop, and that was entertainment for her.  She told me she'd rationalize it -- she was buying this for someone else; she had every intention of donating it to charity; the product she had really needed to be replaced.  But she had so much STUFF that the garage was so full they couldn't park in it, and they had to buy a little outdoor shed just to hold all her STUFF, and it was all random stuff that she couldn't remember what it all was until she went out there to look at.  And she's telling me all this like, "Yeah, I know I've got issues but I'm not going to change."

The Bible study had a line, "To be content with little is difficult for us because we fail to trust God to provide what we need.  Instead we worry and plan."  That, and "The more one has, the more one wants."  I find those two statements to hit a little hard, because I think they're true.  It's difficult to truly be content where you are, with what you have, all of the time.  And I'm not saying shopping can't be entertainment, because I think it can.  But when that entertainment becomes a way to fill a need, when God should be the fulfillment of that need, that's where I think you get into trouble.  Or when it becomes a distraction from dealing with something, you know, retail therapy, that's when you have to start paying attention.  Over the years I've struggled with remembering that all my resources are really God's resources; that He's given me everything I "have."  Yes, I work for my paycheck, but who gave me this brain?  Who gave me this job?  Who made me healthy so I could work?

I really have to pay attention when I walk into a store.  Do I really need this?  If I'm buying something for someone, is it something that I think they're going to love because it's perfect for them, or am I letting the fact that it's a really good deal drive my purchase?  Am I buying something because I "deserve" it?  Am I celebrating?  It's really hard to stick to a list, but I try to do that.  I desperately want to ensure that I'm using my resources the best way I can -- and even though I don't always get it right, it's something I keep praying will get easier.  In case you're someone who also struggles with this -- here are some other things I've done, or considered:

1)  Stay out of the store.  You can't spend money if you're not there.  Stay off the internet.  Find something else to do.  Play Candy Crush and tell me how to get past level 162.  BECAUSE IT'S IMPOSSIBLE.

2)  Make your list before you go, and if you're going grocery shopping, don't make that list or go shopping when you're hungry!  And don't take Dallas with you because you will hit the ice cream aisle HARD.

3)  If you've found yourself picking up something you really want and it's not on the list, ask yourself if you really truly want this item.  Do I have something just like it at home?  Why exactly do I want it so bad?  Or is this more of an emotional purchase?  If it's going to make you happy to buy it and then when you get it home you're just going to feel guilty about it, maybe don't buy it to start with.

4)  When you get home, show your purchases to your partner.  It doesn't matter if he/she cares.  Just own up to what you bought.  Except the tampons, because he probably doesn't care about that.  Or the M&Ms.  Because he will eat them.  Hide those.

5)  If you've bought something you really don't need, take it back immediately.

6)  If you're buying something for someone else, consider whether it's something they are missing, really want, would use, and the purpose behind the purchase.  Are you ingratiating yourself to them?  Are you just trying to tell them you love them?  If so, just try saying that to them.  Are you trying to control them?  (EG, buying clothes for your teenage daughter because you think she dresses like a tramp.  Wait -- no, definitely keep the clothes if she dresses like a tramp.)

7)   Review your shopping cart before you check out.  If there's anything in there that's not on your list, chuck it.  Or do what my mom does -- take everything you have just hauled around the store and put it back in some incredibly random place.  (She knows we kid her about this -- and we've all picked up the same habit -- so I'm not talking behind her back.)  Or get this -- take your random things and make piles to freak people out.  A bottle of wine next to a pregnancy test kit next to the baby food.  Put a book about how to take care of your pet snake next to an empty animal carrier with the door open and a flashlight.

8)  Ask yourself if you're shopping because you're bored, or if you're trying to escape something.  I feed my face when I'm bored.  Can you do something else instead?  If you find yourself in stores a lot for this reason, can you do something else, like volunteer somewhere?  Can you find another way to spend your time that benefits somebody?

9)  Do you need to switch currency?  Sometimes paying with dollars hurts more.  It's easier to see that pot of money go down when you have cash in hand, more so than by swiping a card.  Dave Ramsey envelopes, anyone?  Maybe you could pay someone in pennies and make them crazy.  Small victories.

10)  Be aware of the emotional context of the purchase.  Are you trying to fill a need?  Exactly what purpose does the purchase serve?  If you just like the feeling of spending money, can you spend it in a different area?  Can you try limiting your feel-good spending to a certain amount per month?   Allow it, but don't go overboard to the point where you feel guilty about it?

It's so easy to be discontented in this world.  And it's easy to overlook your own inadequacies and own up to them.  But do try to be honest and ask yourself whether you're using your resources wisely and for the right purposes.  Except for M&Ms.  Always buy the M&Ms.