A very dear friend of my sister’s is going through a
difficult day today; her dad is being taken off life support after (what was
supposed to be) a very routine knee surgery.
My sisters, my parents and I, we love each other with a fierce
batten-down-the-hatches love. A Southern
Living/redneck we-know-we-got-issues-but-we’re-in-it-together kind of
love. A circle-the-wagons,
double-pinky-promise, clove-hitch-knot kind of love. I know not every family has this, and I know
how blessed I am, and I’m beyond grateful for it. And so when one of them hurts, as my sister is
hurting today, and as her very best friend in the whole world is hurting right
now, I hurt for them. I want to shield
them from pain, take it back; give them a do-over, a mulligan. Undo this awful thing that has happened. Go back to some crucial point where a
different path could have been taken and go from there.
But I can’t, so I pray.
I pray that the One who heals, the Great Comforter, would give them
peace and strength to get through this minute, and the next one, and the one
after that. Getting through, taking one
step after one step after one step, that’s called perseverance. And I thought maybe you could use some of
things I’ve been learning lately about perseverance. Or
maybe you know somebody who could.
In our Bible study, Disciplines of a Godly Woman (Barbara
Hughes), this week’s lesson was on perseverance. Now I know that I’m not the world’s foremost
expert on this topic. I freely admit
that while I have had my own Long Dark Tea-Time of the Soul, my problems are
NOTHING compared to other peoples’ problems.
I’ve never struggled with addiction, I’ve never suddenly lost a life
partner or a child, I’ve never been raped, hit, or even had to deal with a
chronic illness. I know those days are
coming, I’m not expecting my life to be all sunshine and puppies (although that’d
be nice, karma, I did just put a new roll of toilet paper up for the next
person), but I’d like to hope that I’ll have the faith and assurance that God
is in control of it, just like He’s in control of every good thing that comes
my way. At the end of my life, I’d love
to say that I have praised Him in all things.
In Hebrews 12:1 it says “And
let us run with perseverance the
race marked out for us…” But people, that is really hard
to DO in the real world. When it comes
down to brass tacks and it’s time to get up out of bed for the first time
without your husband, or it’s time to go the job you HATE, or talk to a parent
who can’t remember who you are, it is really. freakin’. hard to persevere.
Hughes writes in
her chapter on perseverance of a couple named Scott and Janet Willis, who in
1994 lost 6 of their 9 children in an auto accident on the way to visit one of
their other children. She writes:
While driving north on Interstate 94 in Milwaukee, the van
ran over a large piece of metal that punctured the gas tank, immediately
turning the vehicle into an inferno. By
the time the van stopped and the parents fell out, their children were
hopelessly trapped. Six of their
children went home to be with the Lord that day.
You’d think that the Willises would conclude that their God
was far away at that moment. Yet the burned,
bandaged couple, still in physical pain, gave witness to God’s grace at a news
conference. Janet relates that when she
looked back toward the van and began screaming, Scott touched her
shoulder. “He said, ‘Janet, this is what
we’ve been prepared for.’ And he was
right. He said, ‘Janet, it was quick,
and they’re with the Lord.’ He was
right.”
The Willises’ testimony amidst the tears and heartache is
amazing. “I know God has purposes and
God has reasons,” says Scott. “God has
demonstrated His love to us and our family.
There’s no question in our mind that God is good, and we praise Him in
all things.”
“It’s His right,” agrees Janet. “We belong to Him. My children belong to Him. He’s the giver and the taker of life, and He
sustains us.”
Now I don’t
remember this happening. Keep in mind
that back in 1994 I was not a Christ-follower and I thought all you Christian people were
just kind of doing some other “fan” thing, kind of like when the Beatles hit
town. But I read this to Dallas and he
found online a clip of Scott Willis speaking about a year after the accident,
about adversity in general, that we all face, not specifically about the
accident although that was a large part of his talk. (It is here if you want to listen: http://recollections.liblog.
Hughes says there are three reasons for suffering and I love
this because as a mom I struggle to explain to Carter why bad things happen
when we have a good God. She says:
1.
Suffering
is God’s means of perfecting us.
2.
Suffering
is a means of spreading the gospel.
3.
In
persevering through suffering we see God
Now I know that
God sees things that we can’t, He’s got the Big Picture and we don’t, and that
all things work together (28 And we
know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.
Romans 8:28.). But I’ve still
had a hard time really understanding, and therefore articulating to Carter, why
everything can’t be awesome all the time (“everything is awesome…. everything is
cool when you’re part of a team… you know it’s going through your head) and
this helped me. Hughes says that the words
in Scripture used for “testing” likens what happens to us in trials to what
happens to metal when it is refined. It
makes the metal purer. “Christians must
persevere through many trials and temptations if we would grow mature and be
refined,” she says.
I like to know there’s a purpose behind hard times, it just
makes my need for all things rational to be sated. Jason Morriss from Austin New Church, in his message
about Lent (http://www.austinnewchurch.com/#/anc-home/sermon-podcast)
calls trials and suffering being in a “wilderness.” And for some people that wilderness isn't just a hard time they go through and it gets better, for some people it’s like
FORTY YEARS of wilderness. There’s a
lady at our church who came to Christ at 64; she’s 69 now and has been married
to her husband for 40 years. She’s a
believer; he’s not. She has to live with
him every day, loving him, knowing him better than she’s ever known anyone else
in her entire life, and knowing he’s missing out on the most awesome thing
ever. And there’s not ONE SINGLE THING
she can do to convince him that he’s missing the boat except do what she’s
doing: love him, pray for him, and show
him the love of Jesus every. single. day.
Every single minute. She’s right smack dab in the middle of her
wilderness and who knows when it will end; God’s timing is not our timing. And she’s struggling to praise God in the
wilderness, but she’s doing it because that’s what we’re called to do.
I have to say, for me (because this blog is about me me me and
don’t you forget it), knowing where my loved one is going makes all the
difference when they depart this life.
When my Grandma Broxson died, I wasn't yet a Christian. Her death was the first I’d really
experienced as a semi-adult (HA! not even semi, y’all; MAN I was clueless) at
22 and it was really confusing for me.
Mom and Dad said she was in Heaven but I didn't really get that at the
time; I just knew that when I looked at her body, she wasn't there.
She was gone; that was a shell.
Fast track to when my Grandpa Bunaisky died when I was 27. I’d become a Christian just the
fall before and while I was a relative newbie as far as faith goes, I was starting to understand that this world isn't IT. And let me tell you folks,
that’s a whole different experience when you previously thought it was. Instead of this ginormous yawning chasm of
nothingness that opens up after our lives, it’s a gap. A gap between when you’re here on this earth
with your loved one, and when your race is run and you’re together with them
and Jesus. You finish your race; they’ll
be there at the finish line. Now I’m not
about to tell you what that gap is like, that finishing the race without your loved
one. Because I think what I've lost in
this life can’t compare to what other people have lost and the depth, breadth,
and height of their despair is different than mine. I tend to think, that when the time comes
that Mom and Dad have to go on without me, I will feel as though a great gaping
hole has been rent in me and I will feel that emptiness for the rest of my race. Frankly, I’m not looking forward to that and
so I’m right now blocking thinking about it with every fiber of my being. But my sister’s friend is right there RIGHT
NOW, and because of that I want to hold her and hug her and my sister and
fervently wish I could take even an iota of pain away for them both. Just as I wish I could do that for my friends
when they lost their fathers; my friend who has a sister with terminal cancer; my
mother when she lost her brother and mother; my father when he lost his
son.
But I can’t, so I pray that God will bring them through this
and comfort them every step of the way through this wilderness, however long
that wilderness lasts. For you too, if
you’re in the middle of a wilderness.
That the “knowledge of Jesus’ power [would shift your] focus from the
storms, raging around and within, to God’s will. Luke 22:31-32: 31 “Simon, Simon, Satan has asked to
sift all of you as wheat. 32 But
I have prayed for you, Simon, that your faith may not fail. And when you have turned
back, strengthen your brothers.” I pray that when you’re
in the sifter, and the path ahead is cloudy and it seems like God is silent,
when circumstances are just. freakin’. unbearable, that God will turn your fear,
your sadness, to faith. Hughes says, “God’s
purpose for sifting [is] to prove and perfect…faith. That perfection is not to be completed in
this earthly life. But here and now, He
gives everything we need to face whatever sifting He allows – He gives Himself.”
Anyhoo,
I really found that chapter helpful this week and I wanted to share it with
you; I hope maybe it helped you too.
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