How Much is Enough?

Mary Poppins said, "Enough is as good as a feast."  I struggle with that, even though I think it's true.  Food and money are my weak points -- I always want more of both.

We just finished a couple chapters in our Bible study on contentment and giving, more specifically grace giving, and the chapters covered things like using resources wisely, what belongs to God and what belongs to you, tithing, being happy with what you have, etc.  I don't know about you but these are areas I've always needed help on, especially since having children tends to be a rather expensive endeavor.  They're not cheap, and I want them to have everything they need and a few things they want.  But there's a balance that must be struck, and there's a message you want to send.  They pay attention to how you spend your money, whether you think they do or not.

I recently watched an episode of Hoarders.  It followed the story of two people who just couldn't help themselves with acquiring STUFF.  One lady used copious quantities of coupons to get hundreds of dollars worth of stuff for something like $1.98.  Which I heartily applaud; any time you can lower your grocery bill like that, I genuflect in your approximate direction.  I have nothing whatsoever against using coupons, either -- I use them when I have them and I dearly love that whole buy-one-get-one free concept.  But this lady clipped EVERY coupon she saw, and bought hundreds of dollars worth of deodorant.  Scads of cans of artichokes, gaggles of green beans, prides of soda, armies of bug spray, flocks of toilet paper.  Then she brought it all home and just stacked it in piles (because the shelving, or cabinets, or wherever you put stuff had long since been buried in stuff).  How many artichokes CAN one eat, anyway?  Another lady shopped consignment sales and thrift shops, and I think her issue was just that she loved getting a "deal."  She walked around her house and could tell you what she paid for just about everything, and it was $1 - $2 type stuff.  She loved buying purses; I couldn't tell you how many she had.  Maybe a hundred?  She would go to thrift shops and pick up anything.  It didn't seem to matter what it was or whether she needed it, it was just whether or not it was a "good deal."

I think most of the people on this show have mental issues.  Seriously; it seemed like they all had a traumatic event at some point in their lives that they could pinpoint when their problem started.  And I'm not knocking that because I get it, they need help.  But I also totally get the draw of finding a "deal."  When you get something for less than retail price, you kind of feel like you've won.  But shopping shouldn't feed your emotions or fill a hole, and that's where I take issue.  I enjoy a trip to Target as much as anybody (especially without kids; do not judge me), but I have to guard against just buying stuff because it's a good deal, because I think that's where you get into trouble, financially speaking.

Our Bible study talked about contentment, specifically godly contentment, and this is something I strive for and don't always quite make.  It's being happy with what you have, independent of circumstances and conditions.  It's so easy to look at what somebody else has, or is, and find yourself lacking.  Their hair is cuter, they dress nicer, they have a bigger house, their kids have more to play with.  It's also easy to find yourself making up for a childhood where you had nothing.  I spoke to a lady at church about this one time and she mentioned that having grown up during the Depression, she had less than nothing.  When she grew up and got married and had an extra income, she found herself buying things she didn't even need, just because she could.  It filled a hole inside, just having the ability to pay for something.  That minute at the checkout was golden; it made her forget how poor her family had once been, how deprived they were, sometimes of even the most basic necessities.  It was like winning.  But when she got home, she said, the guilt would set in.  She hid how much she spent from her husband.  She was embarrassed at how much she spent, but she couldn't help doing it.  It also didn't help that when she and her husband retired, she had less income but more time to shop, and that was entertainment for her.  She told me she'd rationalize it -- she was buying this for someone else; she had every intention of donating it to charity; the product she had really needed to be replaced.  But she had so much STUFF that the garage was so full they couldn't park in it, and they had to buy a little outdoor shed just to hold all her STUFF, and it was all random stuff that she couldn't remember what it all was until she went out there to look at.  And she's telling me all this like, "Yeah, I know I've got issues but I'm not going to change."

The Bible study had a line, "To be content with little is difficult for us because we fail to trust God to provide what we need.  Instead we worry and plan."  That, and "The more one has, the more one wants."  I find those two statements to hit a little hard, because I think they're true.  It's difficult to truly be content where you are, with what you have, all of the time.  And I'm not saying shopping can't be entertainment, because I think it can.  But when that entertainment becomes a way to fill a need, when God should be the fulfillment of that need, that's where I think you get into trouble.  Or when it becomes a distraction from dealing with something, you know, retail therapy, that's when you have to start paying attention.  Over the years I've struggled with remembering that all my resources are really God's resources; that He's given me everything I "have."  Yes, I work for my paycheck, but who gave me this brain?  Who gave me this job?  Who made me healthy so I could work?

I really have to pay attention when I walk into a store.  Do I really need this?  If I'm buying something for someone, is it something that I think they're going to love because it's perfect for them, or am I letting the fact that it's a really good deal drive my purchase?  Am I buying something because I "deserve" it?  Am I celebrating?  It's really hard to stick to a list, but I try to do that.  I desperately want to ensure that I'm using my resources the best way I can -- and even though I don't always get it right, it's something I keep praying will get easier.  In case you're someone who also struggles with this -- here are some other things I've done, or considered:

1)  Stay out of the store.  You can't spend money if you're not there.  Stay off the internet.  Find something else to do.  Play Candy Crush and tell me how to get past level 162.  BECAUSE IT'S IMPOSSIBLE.

2)  Make your list before you go, and if you're going grocery shopping, don't make that list or go shopping when you're hungry!  And don't take Dallas with you because you will hit the ice cream aisle HARD.

3)  If you've found yourself picking up something you really want and it's not on the list, ask yourself if you really truly want this item.  Do I have something just like it at home?  Why exactly do I want it so bad?  Or is this more of an emotional purchase?  If it's going to make you happy to buy it and then when you get it home you're just going to feel guilty about it, maybe don't buy it to start with.

4)  When you get home, show your purchases to your partner.  It doesn't matter if he/she cares.  Just own up to what you bought.  Except the tampons, because he probably doesn't care about that.  Or the M&Ms.  Because he will eat them.  Hide those.

5)  If you've bought something you really don't need, take it back immediately.

6)  If you're buying something for someone else, consider whether it's something they are missing, really want, would use, and the purpose behind the purchase.  Are you ingratiating yourself to them?  Are you just trying to tell them you love them?  If so, just try saying that to them.  Are you trying to control them?  (EG, buying clothes for your teenage daughter because you think she dresses like a tramp.  Wait -- no, definitely keep the clothes if she dresses like a tramp.)

7)   Review your shopping cart before you check out.  If there's anything in there that's not on your list, chuck it.  Or do what my mom does -- take everything you have just hauled around the store and put it back in some incredibly random place.  (She knows we kid her about this -- and we've all picked up the same habit -- so I'm not talking behind her back.)  Or get this -- take your random things and make piles to freak people out.  A bottle of wine next to a pregnancy test kit next to the baby food.  Put a book about how to take care of your pet snake next to an empty animal carrier with the door open and a flashlight.

8)  Ask yourself if you're shopping because you're bored, or if you're trying to escape something.  I feed my face when I'm bored.  Can you do something else instead?  If you find yourself in stores a lot for this reason, can you do something else, like volunteer somewhere?  Can you find another way to spend your time that benefits somebody?

9)  Do you need to switch currency?  Sometimes paying with dollars hurts more.  It's easier to see that pot of money go down when you have cash in hand, more so than by swiping a card.  Dave Ramsey envelopes, anyone?  Maybe you could pay someone in pennies and make them crazy.  Small victories.

10)  Be aware of the emotional context of the purchase.  Are you trying to fill a need?  Exactly what purpose does the purchase serve?  If you just like the feeling of spending money, can you spend it in a different area?  Can you try limiting your feel-good spending to a certain amount per month?   Allow it, but don't go overboard to the point where you feel guilty about it?

It's so easy to be discontented in this world.  And it's easy to overlook your own inadequacies and own up to them.  But do try to be honest and ask yourself whether you're using your resources wisely and for the right purposes.  Except for M&Ms.  Always buy the M&Ms.

Being "Saved"

And I mean those quotation marks this time, because I'm trying to convey a sense of confusion about what that word means.  See how that works, guys?  Quotation marks can be your friend.  (PS I saw a sign on the way into work -- Your "Hair Styling" Shop!  UGH.)

Carter's 8 now, and has known who Jesus is and that he died on the cross for him since he was 6, and what all that entails.  He's not been baptized yet though, because for a while we weren't sure if he truly understood what being baptized meant, or that the act of being baptized isn't what does the "saving."  He was also very nervous about having to be baptized in front of the whole congregation -- for such an extrovert, sometimes he really can be quite shy.  But he's planning to be baptized in June when our church does a beach baptism, and every once in a while we talk about it.  The other night he said something to Dallas about not being sure he was saved, and since he didn't really have time to get into it with him he told me about it and asked if I'd try to ferret out what Carter really meant by that.

So the other day we were on our way to get Sarah Cate from school, alone in the car (read:  captive audience) and I asked him if he thought he was saved, if Jesus really did die for his sins, and we had a good discussion about that.  Coming from the non-churchy background, I try to explain some concepts differently than Dallas might -- I remember how confused I was about Jesus "living" in my heart when I was little.  I thought he might have a little door and some furniture in there.  Kids take things so literally, and when you've grown up in the church and you're used to the "churchy talk," you forget what it's like to try to explain it in a way that's palatable to people for whom the concept is new.  I had to make my way through all the new terms when I was 28 (like when the heck did "fellowship" become a verb?) and I remember what it was like.  (What's a testimony?  Why can't they just call it your story of how you came to know Christ?  Because it's shorter, I guess.)

Anyhow, I asked him if he had any doubts about whether he was saved, and he said yes, that he didn't know for sure if he was.  So I asked him why, and his answer I think is probably textbook for a lot of new Christians (and maybe old ones too) that, "I still sin sometimes."  He knows Jesus took the punishment that he owed for all the bad things he did up until the time that he accepted Him -- but he was having trouble with the fact that he still messes up even after that.  And of course his version of "sin" is just the times he gets in trouble for stuff -- he knows hurting people and stealing and lying are sins too, but those are mostly things grown ups do and he's more concerned over the stuff he might lose his DS over.

I think this is something lots of people misunderstand -- this notion that once you accept Christ, when you finally realize you can't do everything on your own -- that your life is going to be perfect from then on, or that you will always have perfect behavior.  Yes, your life does change, remarkably.  Yes, you are a new creation -- you're different and you can see it and feel it.  But are you still going to mess up from time to time?  Absolutely.  Are you going to have tough times?  Geez, yes, you are.  You're going to buy a house and spend most of your savings on it and THEN find out that all the air conditioning ductwork is shot and that fancy home warranty won't pay for it.  Are you going to use your resources unwisely and realize you've taking what God has given you for granted?  Probably, at some point.  Will people close to you hurt, go through troubles you can't fix, maybe pass away and leave you to navigate on your own?  Maybe.  What I'm saying is that when you accept Jesus as your Savior, you don't get this All Inclusive Fast-Pass to a Pain-Free Existence.  God doesn't say we're going to have a trouble-free life, but He does tell us He'll be there with us, through the valley of the shadow of death, if it comes to that.

Carter was under the impression that since he still screws up from time to time (has bad behavior, makes unwise decisions, generally acts like an 8-year-old with a little sister), that that somehow erases his salvation.  Or lessens it, somehow.  It doesn't work like that.  Once you're saved, you're in like Flynn.  You don't lose your salvation.  I looked up Romans 8:38-39 and read it to him:

38  For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future,nor any powers, 39 neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

And I asked him if he could think of anything that wouldn't cover.  Seriously, can you?  Maybe up till you get to the "nor anything else in all creation."  Then that pretty much covers it.  So yes, you'll screw up, even after you're saved, and God's not some cosmic Santa who grants you forgiveness every time you do it just so you can run out and do it again.  He doesn't pass out Get Out of Jail Free cards to negate what you just did when you mess up, like M&M's to potty-training toddlers.  But knowing God changes you in way that you almost can't define, and it makes you not want to do the things you know are not pleasing to Him.  You want to ask for forgiveness, and repent of it (another churchy word -- it means you say you're sorry and you truly have no intention of doing that thing again).  You want to give grace to others because now you understand what grace really is.  You want to forgive others because now you know what it's like to be forgiven.  There's no guarantee it's all going to be sunshine and rainbows and snuggly puppies, in fact I can just about guarantee at some point, an unhappy thing WILL happen to you and you WILL do something you're ashamed of, because you're a sinner.  But God has a plan no matter what comes next, and you're in it.  

Once we talked through some of that, Carter understood things a little bit better.  And so I asked him if he had any more questions, and he asked me how car antennas work and what radio signals were.  This is how he signifies that a discussion is over -- there's no blinker for a left-hand turn or even a heads-up that a discussion is over.  It's just a bank to the left and you better hang on.  So I guess we're good till the next crisis.  And now I gotta go look up everything about radio signals so I say the right thing.  (Not that I might tell him there are little people singing in the dash every time I turn on the radio, that would be misleading.  Thanks, Uncle Ken.  I believed that for far too long.)

Another "Post"

I don't know what it is, but lately I keep seeing signs around town that use quotation marks in a "disturbing" manner.  Meaning they are put around random words and it makes me crazy.  Yesterday I saw a sign along the road advertising for "Great" Dane puppies.  So these are Great Dane puppies that are really awful?  Or these are puppies that look like Great Danes but really are not?  Then I saw a sign for a manicure/pedicure salon (held up by one of those very helpful people alongside the road who also spin the sign, do crazy dances, or are dressed up in some weird costume) that said "Try" Us!  UGH.  Try them or don't try them?  Go in and ACT like you're going to try them but then really don't?  There's a bank here that has one of those electronic signs that flashes an advertisement:  "Your" hometown bank!  We like to make you think it's your bank but it's really not?  We pretend to serve your banking needs but then we tell you how it really is?  Here's the best one/worst one, on the front door of a building:  "This building is "ALARMED."  Yeah, well the floor is "SLIGHTLY CONCERNED."  The bushes are "MILDLY PERTURBED."  And I am "ANNOYED" at everyone's inability to use a quotation mark.  " ".  There.  I've quoted nothing, and that makes me win.

Carter's on a soccer team again this Spring, and he loves it.  I'm kinda thrilled with it too, although his team is the Junior Tornadoes.  People, when I look at that name all I see, every single time, is the Junior Tomatoes.  I can't help it, it's what I see.  It's like when I see the Pearled Barley at Publix, and all I see is Pearl Bailey.

We had a minor misunderstanding this week... Sarah Cate turned 5, and she was under the mistaken impression that on that day she would be going to Kindergarten.  Oops.  We had to sort that one out, and she didn't cry but she did SO want to go to Carter's school.  We've discussed that she'll still get to go to Carter's school, but after Summer.  So today, she asked me if it was Summer yet...  I don't think she's quite got it down, but she's such a happy little person most of the time that she just seems to move right on along.

Today we went on a Tour de Farm, a local thing where you can tour the farms that raise your food.  The farms we toured today aren't ones that our delivery service sources from, but they're representative and we may be buying from them in the future.  See, now that I've got some experience in this whole slow food thing, I think I'd do better choosing how much of what we get (eg -- nobody in this family is going to eat beets, no matter where they come from, so there's no point in paying anyone for them).  So it was really great for me to see how these farms are producing our food -- the chickens really aren't in cages, the pigs really do snort and wiggle in the mud, and the goats really do give milk.  Yesterday we stopped by the convenience store to get me an unsweet tea (goodbye, Diet Coke, my sweet friend) and Carter wanted Doritos.  But when we looked at the ingredients and I asked him to read them, neither of us could pronounce half of what was in them.  So I asked him to look for a snack that had words he could pronounce, and he was just as happy with roasted almonds.  I'm enjoying this whole not-eating-chemical-weirdness thing.

A Day in the Life

I know you’re jealous of my life.  You don’t have to admit it or anything; we can just share that little secret between the two of us, that you want to be me.   Believe me, I know – when you have this glamorous existence as the example before you, you can’t help but be envious.  It’s okay.

So today I thought I’d just write down what it’s like, with all the fun of having young children, a full-time-part-time job, two furries, and living “on the farm,” all while trying to overhaul your family’s eating habits, so you can go ahead and start the Fun of Being Me.  I’m just sayin’, some days are better than others, but I gotta get through them all.  So here’s this morning, just for kicks:

Wake up.  Hair’s crazy.  One kid’s doing the homework he forgot to do the afternoon before, one kid’s asleep.  Kiss awake kid.  Answer math question. 

Go upstairs to wake up sleepyhead.  Sleepyhead is unimpressed by singing, gentle rubbing of back, kisses, or talking.  Crawl under covers with sleepyhead and consider whether being on time to school is a mandate or more of a suggested lifestyle.  Consider homeschooling.  Picture living in a cardboard box.  Drag child from bed and carry her downstairs for breakfast.

Realize that Carter is wearing shorts and it’s 40 degrees outside.  Ask him to go put on pants.  Make a waffle for Sarah Cate while answering her questions about why people wear pants.  Start making Carter’s lunch attached to Sarah Cate, who is practicing her lace-tying skills on my drawstring pajamas.  Wait while she double knots the strings.

Feel shards of glass rake down my butt and legs; realize that is just Max saying "hi."  Let the cat out.  Wake up the dog.  Let the cat in.  Feed them both, because the dog won’t go out till she’s had breakfast.   Let the dog out.  Let the cat out.  Let the cat in, who has changed his mind, but first wait while he rubs his face on the door.  Reassure him that yes, he owns the door.  It is his.  Now get the heck in the house.

Realize I have to pee RIGHT NOW (yet another gift-that-keeps-on-giving of having children -- when you gotta go you gotta go immediately or risk peeing on yourself, and let us not discuss the rather inconvenient results of sneezing during the mad rush to the bathroom).  Run to the bathroom with legs crossed (rare yet unmarketable talent), but first spend two minutes untying double knot in pajamas.  Realize that the last person used all but 1 square inch of toilet paper.  Curse this person.  

Get dressed.  Reassure myself that a ponytail is a very stylish fashion statement, even if that statement is “lazy and late yet again.”  Stumble over Sarah Cate, who is “hiding” behind me, completely naked.  Ask her to go get dressed.  Do not believe this will actually happen.  Walk past the bathroom and see the closet is still open, but now can’t close it because there’s a cat on the third shelf. 

Walk upstairs to motivate children.  Notice Carter has changed into pants, but is rocking some wildly different colors.  Suspect he may be color blind or just possibly blind. Ask him to try Attempt #3 at getting dressed, this time with pants that actually match the shirt.  Find Sarah Cate in her underwear singing “Let It Go” at the top of her lungs playing with My Little Ponies, very diligently not getting dressed.  Admonish her, step on a Lego, fix Carter’s collar since he is apparently channeling Danny Zuko today, and overlook the chocolate milk stain on the shirt because it does actually match the pants and we can't have everything.  Answer questions about Batman’s family while dressing Sarah Cate:  how does he know when people need him, does he have a “real job,” what does Robin do, can Robin fly, where is the location of their “underground lair,” does the lair have bats, are they vampire bats, how does Batman know if people need him in the daytime if he can’t see the bat-light, what does Alfred do?

Usher both kids downstairs and brush Sarah Cate’s hair while watching Carter’s replay of his last game of Mario Kart, which is vitally important to him and completely unlike every other Mario Kart game because in this particular game, Peach makes a “funny sound.”  Wait while Sarah Cate determines whether she is Elsa or Anna today, so I can braid her hair in the proper manner.  Try to close the bathroom closet while she finishes this internal debate, but cat is now on the second shelf.  She is Elsa, so one braid.  Listen not-quite-so-attentively while they recount almost word-for-word the entire scene before Anna punches the crappy prince.

Go back to Carter’s lunch.  Hear “Let It Go” for the eighth (or possibly eight thousandth) time.  Ask children to put on shoes, which necessitates their looking in every room in the house only to find them in the laundry room, which is where they always are.  Get jackets.  Get backpacks.  Realize I have not made myself a lunch; grab a banana.  Define the word “optimism” for Carter and then “pessimism.”  Lock the door and go to the car, start it, and realize I forgot my computer.  Curse silently with very satisfying words.

Pause Carter in mid-question about what is the smallest animal in the world, go get the computer, and come back to explain amoebas.  Drive out the gate while attempting to not run over Sadie, who insists upon walking down the middle of the driveway.  Both children now insist they are hungry again even though they ate breakfast.  Split my banana in half and give it to them.  Enjoy a heartfelt rendition of “My Banana Has An Infinitesimal Brown Spot And Therefore Is Now Inedible” by Sarah Cate.  Bite off brown spot and hand it back. 

Listen to them laugh in the back seat all the way to Carter’s school.  

I know you wanna be me.  And that was only half an hour. 

Additional Parking in Rear

Well, I've made it through the Ultimate Invasion of Privacy.  Let me tell you, if you've never had one, the difficulty isn't in the procedure itself, it's the not eating for FORTY-EIGHT of the longest hours of your entire life before it.  I can't tell you how many times I found myself standing in front of the refrigerator before I remembered I couldn't eat anything out of it.  This afternoon I got up from the couch too fast and got dizzy just in time to knock over the (very full) garbage can.  I think I was starving, but it did give me a new appreciation for folks who do actually go hungry on a frequent basis.  It makes me glad I feed homeless people.  You can't eat anything except Jello.  Sunday I was so hungry I ate 4 of those little snack-pack jello's in rapid succession... and they were heavenly.  Preservatives and chemicals be hanged.  Right after the procedure today Dallas took us to dinner at Tijuana Flats, and never before have there been more delicious tacos.

As far as the Thing itself, all is well and I have some very pretty pictures of my colon, should you ever desire to see them.  The nurse was very friendly and efficient, the doctor appeared to be quite capable, and the anesthesiologist had some very lovely drugs.  Of course, I can't speak for whatever they did after I was out.  For all I know they could have shoved balloons up my rear and had me blow them up for a party.  But who knows, I wasn't there for that.  It's like when it's time to get the epidural when you go to have the baby:  you're in so much pain that you don't care how long that needle is, or where they intend to put it.  If they insist that they must pull an elephant through your left nostril, you eagerly anticipate the elephant.  And once you've got that nice floaty feeling, you will agree to anything as long as the epidural man keeps coming back; you don't care if he's cute or not.

On a completely different note, my Adventures in Cooking are moving right along.  I've made some truly wonderful Ghiradelli brownies, puffed millet bars that everybody loved, some Green Curry Lettuce Wraps, strawberry freezer jam, some astoundingly atrocious-colored vegetable soup that actually tasted pretty good, even if it did look like vomit, a lovely Tuscan Sausage and Swiss Chard soup, and some butternut squash that even Eli said was wonderful.  And if you can get an 8-year-old to eat butternut squash, you've succeeded in life.  I'm actually enjoying the cooking even though it really does take a heck of a lot longer when you use nothing out of a package.  I'm getting ahead though, by making extras of things, like cooked black beans, boiled shredded chicken, cooked ground beef, etc., and freezing it to make the next things I cook a little easier.

Well, I'm off to the next thing -- tagging outgrown clothes for a consignment sale.  They're due tomorrow.  I've tagged nothing.  You can judge me, go ahead.  I put the PRO in procrastination, folks.